The Guardian Bond by Jina Renee
My rating: 1 of 5 stars
Boy, you can’t help but get intrigued by what appears to be several typos in a book’s title in an Amazon listing. Especially when it gets picked up by one of the various e-book promo services – it tells you a lot about what promo service NOT to use (Readers in the Know apparently doesn’t have the same standards as a lot of the places that actually get things done).
Be that as it may, one has to look at a title that has the phrase “The Oricle” (sic) in it as all kinds of wrong. It’s “The Oracle”. Sorry, but that’s just the way it is. After reading the book and finally encountering the “Oricle”, yeah, the situation “fortells” (sic) that yes, it should’ve been “OrAcle”. Person in mists giving advice? Yep. OrAcle. Spelling it “OrIcle” only makes your whole book look like a typographical error. LOTR, this is not, and the author certainly isn’t the revered Professor creating a new language.
According to the Amazon blurb, this book is “the first in a series, this Novel is best described as an Erotic fantasy-adventure,” I guess it might be. There are dragons, and strange creatures, an Oricle, and whatnot. “Erotic” it isn’t. It’s about an erotic as “The Shaggy D.A.” or an episode of “How It’s Made”. Rated G. And dull. You can have lots of things wrong with your book, but if it’s dull, there’s no way in hell to fix it. And this one, is dreadfully boring. Boring erotica. Wow. What a concept. How the fuck do you manage that? Even bad fucking is still fucking. The author here has managed to dilute any slight possibility of an erotic scene occurring into something you could read as a naptime story to a daycare center. I would actually suggest that, as it would definitely put the kids to sleep.
This book leaves you with that “I just watched a third grader try to write about Legolas fucking Conan” feeling. I’ll never get back the half-hour it took me to read it. And I need a shower. Not to cool down from anything steamy; but to wash the dregs of this thing from my mind.
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